My Relationship Articles
Pitfalls In Building Relationships, Commitment, And Love - U Is For...
We continue this series suggesting how to avoid many pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone...
Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You may know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to make such relationships happen. But we do have many suggestions that focus on potential problems. We center on ulterior, underachieve, and vindictive.
U is for ulterior. Your motives should not be ulterior. Let me rephrase my statement to bring this subject back into the real world. Your motives should not be only ulterior. There is nothing wrong with wanting something in exchange for your time and effort. Just don’t overdo it. If it’s all about you, all about what you can get out of something or someone you have a real problem. Unulteriorize your motives and you’ll find your success more satisfying. And maybe even more likely to happen. Does that sound like an ulterior motive?
Ulterior Motive, a British rock group.
U is for underachieve. As a teacher I am constantly faced with underachievers. It’s sad but true: so many people both young and older are satisfied with just getting by. How do you inspire people to want to succeed to the limit of their potential? There is no easy solution. In a sense we are underachieving in dealing with them. I don’t think that putting underachievers in the same classroom with overachievers will get the unders to achieve. The underachievers’ lack of ambition may even rub off on their overachieving counterparts. Under the circumstances the underachievers may feel that they have achieved something.
Watch out, it may be loaded.
V is for vindictive. Don’t be vengeful. Let bygones be bygones. Why carry around with you for decades old wounds that cannot possibly be redressed? Does it make any sense to remember Vickie’s insult on your sixteenth birthday party? It’s normal to keep Vickie’s viciousness in mind for a day or two. It’s not really right or even a good idea to retain these memories but it is normal. What about twenty years later? If you run into her on the street as she happily announces her pregnancy don’t hope that her baby will have two heads. Wish her well. You don’t have to invite her to your birthday party. If you do invite her don’t slip anything into her drink. And don’t insult her. Or remind her. She probably forgot that insult. But if you work real hard, you may get her to remember and even top it. Vindictiveness comes with a price.
Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.