Pitfalls In Building Relationships, Commitment, And Love - Continuing With R

We continue this series suggesting how to avoid many pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone...

Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You may know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to make such relationships happen. But we do have many suggestions that focus on potential problems. We actually have a double series of articles for the letter R. The focus here is on reactionary, remote, rhetoric, and routine.

R is for reactionary. Don’t be a reactionary. We’re not talking politics here. We don’t, at least not in this column. Don’t be the kind of reactionary who is someone that simply reacts. Instead, bring things forward and let the others react to you and your ideas. Be an actionary. That’s where the action is. Remember what Isaac Newton said in his famous third law: “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” Can we rephrase this as: “For every reactionary there is an equal and opposite rereactionary?” Or would it be “For every reactionary there is an equal and opposite actionary?” I don’t know, I’ll ask my actuary. Except I think she is reactionary.

R is for remote. Get your hands off your own remote button. Don’t remove yourself from the action and the feelings. You don’t have to be far away. People will appreciate you for being there, especially if you aren’t half-hearted. If you are half-hearted you’d better hope that the hospital isn’t far away. Tune in. Chime in. But don’t butt in.

What if none of the remotes work?

R is for rhetoric. Cut the rhetoric. Speak plainly and avoid the double-talk. Triple-talk is even worse. Don’t speak with a forked tongue, especially when you are spooning. Remember all the trouble that the human race got into by listening to the rhetoric of a silver-tongued snake. Well, excessive rhetoric can still get us into trouble. Or we can rephrase this advice as a rhetorical question: Can excessive rhetoric still get us into trouble?

Rhetoric, Laurent de la Hire, 1650.

R is for routine. Get out of the rut, get out of the routine. Routine and rutine are just an o away. Take another road to work. Or even better, get off the bus a few blocks away and walk or jog the rest of the way. And make a habit of doing so. In fact, do it so often that you know the road with your eyes closed. But don’t actually close your eyes or you’ll get to know a new routine. You may even end up in a hospital room with that half-hearted gent or lady.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.