Pitfalls In Building Relationships, Commitment, And Love - I Is For...

We continue this series suggesting how to avoid many pitfalls in building interpersonal relationships, whether with family, coworkers, friends, or that special someone...

Committed, loving relationships do not just happen. You may know that there is no success secret, no checklist of things to do, and just as important things not to do to make such relationships happen. But we do have many suggestions that focus on potential problems. We actually have a double series of articles for the letter I. The focus here is on idle, ignorance, and immobile.

I is for idle. Don’t sit around doing nothing. Don’t check your e-mails or the stock market quotations ten times an hour or ten times a day. This advice holds even with respect to business e-mails and non-personal stock market quotations. Isn’t it wonderful how modern technology has provided us with the opportunity to waste time more effectively, more productively, and more nerve-wrackingly? Don’t get me wrong, the good, old-fashioned look out of the window until it rains dollar bills or the clock strikes five is also no solution. But it is easier to pretend that you are busy when the computer is Gigaherzing merrily away, even if it is on the road to nowhere. Be careful, if you are too idle at work you may get the chance of moving to full-time idleness.

In the past they said idle hands are the devil's workshop.

I is for ignorance. If you don’t know something, admit it. Or if you are clever see if you can change the subject. Don’t try to brazen it out. You probably won’t be able to fool all the interested parties, even if you can pull the wool over some eyes. I and many other people sometimes realize that our interlocutors are ignorant of a given subject by hearing just a few misplaced words. I’m not talking about differences of opinion but of simple ignorance. If you are ignorant about an important subject, make a note to yourself to get up to speed on that issue. At least part way, perhaps moving from total ignorance to just plain ignorance. Can you imagine how hard it is today to practice medicine when anyone can access the Internet and become an instantaneous “expert” on as many diseases as they can pretend? In my mind the old saw still holds, a little learning is a dangerous thing. But a little learning still beats total ignorance, as long as you don’t draw the wrong conclusions.

Don't assume everyone else is ignorant.

I is for immobile. Get a move on it. Nothing even stays quite the same. The pace of change is ever increasing. And yet some people think that last decade’s or last millenium’s solutions will still do the job. See what’s happening out there. And join the fun. But remember, while you must not be immobile don’t think you have to start from zero.

Are you tired of all this negativity? Take a look at our companion series that accentuates the positive.