Deal With Your Love Problems
Title: Infidelity - Day Of Discovery : How To "Hold" Your Feelings (Continued)
By: Dr. Robert Huizenga
2. When the feelings/thoughts are most intense, find a place where you can be alone (lock the bathroom door, if need be). Set the timer/watch for 2 minutes.
3. Write down everything that you are thinking/feeling uncensored. Let it come. Let it flow. Don't worry about what you write. You can shred/burn it immediately after writing. Just notice the thoughts that rumble through your mind. Write them down. Notice the feelings and specifically where they are located in your body. Write them down.
Let it bleed, but not too much
4. When the timer goes off, say to yourself, "OK, it's time to put you (feelings/thoughts) aside for the time being. I have other responsibilities. I will come back to you later." This process develops and calls attention to a "part of you" that can stand back and monitor (control in a healthy manner) the process. You also treat your feelings and thoughts with respect and acknowledge their legitimacy.
5. When the thoughts and feelings begin to emerge again, maybe minutes or 2, 4 hours later, follow the same process.
Give it a try.
This is often helpful for those who like to write, or express themselves best through the written word. And, it seems to be most helpful for those who tend to be reflective in nature.
If this doesn't work for you, don't worry. It may not fit your style of how you cope with intense feelings/thoughts. Other techniques are available for you.
Over time, as you address your feelings, their intensity will fade and they will express themselves less frequently. "They" do want to know that they will not be ignored and that you, in some fashion, will attend to "them."
Dr. Huizenga, the Infidelity Coach, offers infidelity help and relationship advice for coping with extramarital affairs and marital infidelity at: http://www.Break-Free-From-the-Affair.com and http://www.Infidelity-help.com Get articles and free downloads on emotional infidelity, coping with infidelity, the cheating spouse, signs of an affair, surviving infidelity and more.
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