Healthy Love Relationships
Title: The Key To Intimacy In A Relationship (Continued)
By: Jeff Murrah
Humility requires that the person wishing to improve their relationship make room for the other person or persons involved. One way to make room for the other person is to put forth the effort to maintain contact. At the very basic level, calling or writing are needed to maintain contact with the other person. These could be notes or messages to the other person keeping the emotional connection in place. The contact needs to focus on the other person rather than have the other person focus their attention on you. This means one will have to discover what the likes and dislikes of the other person are. One way to discover their likes and dislikes is developing a list of questions focused on these areas. When you are with the other person, ask those questions and discover how they see and experience the world.
This is the next level
‘Focusing on the other person’ also means that one may have to modify their schedule in order to connect with the other person. Humility involves making room for the other person in your attention, efforts and time. It requires effort to shift your schedule rather than constantly expecting them to accommodate yours.
It will also be important that when the other person asks you questions that your response be of a humble nature. Even in the areas where significant accomplishments may have occurred, approaching them in a modest manner helps create an atmosphere conducive to relationships deepening. When faults are pointed out or errors made, they will need to be approached in attitude of modesty and humility. Pointing our errors with an attitude of “gotcha!” or “you’re not as perfect as you thought!” are sure ways of killing any developing intimacy. Attitudes conveying defensiveness or arrogance are a sure way to invite further conflict and stifle the growth of any relationship.
Humility is required in taking a relationship to the next level of intimacy. Like any area of personal growth, exercising humility will take us out of our emotional comfort zone. Consider the question, “Do you want to have intimacy or be comfortable?”. Developing intimacy requires effort. One of the areas needing effort that pays dividends beyond the effort involved is that of humility. If you have a relationship you want to “take it to the next level”, start by developing humility.
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